How to Control Your Righteous, Liberal Rage in Any Situation

I think we can all agree that shit happens. It’s an inevitable part of life that things are most often out of our control. Some of these things are good but others are not so pleasant. Somebody is going to piss you off but what separates the women from the children is not the anger itself but how you deal with it. Gone are the days when hissy fits were considered kinda cute. Now when someone rejects your policy proposal, it’s considered bad form to call someone a meany and knock over your sippy cup full of latte. Sad, I know. But fear not, due to my history of having infuriating jobs at the The Union and as an advocate, I have been in enough blood boiling situations to have plenty of experience navigating my emotions somewhat healthily. Here is a guide on how to not get arrested for smacking someone in a variety of situations based my experience doing all the bad ideas mentioned:

In the office

This is where shit is going to get real 80% of the time. You are with your coworkers for most of your day and besides working in the same place, you all are not soul mates. Someone is inevitably (you included) going to say something ignorant about someone’s experience and this is one of the few arenas of your life where you can’t just go off.

Bad Idea: Laugh in your coworker’s face as they try to explain to you that living in rural America would be hard because you would have to use your private plane (that everyone has) to fly to the nearest doctor.

Good Idea: Try to meet them where they are at. Though it is tempting to be dismissive when someone is trying to reason with you that 12 Years a Slave was so sad because the director chose to show only the really sad parts of slavery and not the fun, everyday life, sometimes you gotta see where they are coming from. Most people live sheltered lives and even if they do social justice work are rarely confronted by their privilege in any real way. Movies that point out things like inequality are traumatizing. Though it’s no excuse, remember that you have to see this chick every day and try to be respectful yet firm. Try drawing parallels between the experiences of other peoples so that they can see the pattern, allow them to digest but then go back to business. There is no need to make them feel right but it’s also not your job to educate them.

At the bar

Well this one is of course not a shocker. Booze + people can either equal awesome harmony or sad times. It’s the disclaimer at the bottom of your 21^st birthday cake. The problem is that these situations are so unpredictable and always involve a huge amount of misinterpretation. You can’t even begin to avoid it if someone keeps mistaking your commentary on True Blood as comments about their mother.

Bad Idea: Screaming what you think is an eloquent rebuttal but comes out as “OMG dude, why are you being so frowny face at me?”

Good Idea:  If you are too drunk to carry on a conversation with any dignity, slowly extract yourself from the situation. They are also likely drunk and will lose interest. Bar fights are for cowboys, not nonprofit employees. The most physical you have gotten this week is that power yoga class that you just bought a Groupon for.

  

Trapped in Conversation with someone who “Heard on WBEZ/NPR This Morning…”

Generally speaking, there are at least three of these people at each social function. They are usually ok as a whole person but as soon as the booze starts flowing all they want to talk about is the surface level knowledge of politics and social issues. Suddenly they are quoting contradicting statistics and fondly remembering their time in France (three months with a bunch of other American blowhards). These wannabe intellectuals will pontificate at you until you submit to their superior intellect or die of misery.

Bad Idea: Attempting to shove the bottle of small batch bourbon up their ass that has started the mess in the first place.

Good Idea: Though violence is tempting in this situation, it’s best to politely engage in the conversation for a socially acceptable amount of time then run as fast as you can. Simply nod at the right time, repeat their statements back to them as a question and then say “well, let’s agree to disagree”. There is no way to reason in this situation and this will only lead to wasted bottle of bourbon and jail time for you.

So, that’s what I got for you folks for now. What are some things that make you angry and how do you deal?

XOXO Lady Justice