Translation

Casual conversation is fraught with deceptively simple statements and responses that are just dying to be translated and over-analyzed.

Today we present a handy guide for today's anxiety-stricken It-Girl. Guess no more! Here's what people really mean when they say...

Signs That You Are Struggling Twenty Something

My friends, the struggle is real. In fact, I have a monthly pass on the struggle bus that I ride every day.  The driver knows my name and wishes me happy birthday. But what makes this fact a little more bearable is that I am definitely not the only one on the bus. The economy has definitely screwed over many of my fellow twentysomethings. Sadly we are not collecting the traditional trappings of adulthood such as home ownership and marriage but I say that we are at least having a good time doing it. Regardless, it did take me a while to figure out that I was not living the high life even though I make more than I did in college. Here were some of things that let me know that, indeed, the struggle existed for me.

You Gotta Save Up to Buy the “Good Cheese”

Now that meals plans and parents no longer provide it for me, I look at food in an entirely different way. It’s become more of an obligation but I still love it. Though I have learned to cope and budget better in this regard, it still shocks me how expensive cheese can be. Cheese is life and to make it so expensive seems immoral. The first time I had to forego my premium aged cheddar *GASP* to be able to get some veggies, I almost fainted. Oh the oppression!

A Misstep of Bill Payments Could Ruin You

This one is bit more serious, but I have learned that timing bill payments can be like a delicate dance over a pit of lava if you are not a high paid, young executive. Though I am fortunate enough to have a savings and a decently paying job, sometimes not paying attention to silly things like eye shadow purchases around a major bill paying week can leave my checking looking sad.

Getting a Taxi is Luxury for The “Second Paycheck”

Y’all know what I’m talking about. There are two checks each month that evoke very different emotions. There is the rent check, where you suddenly see your paycheck disappear right before your very eyes. This is a sad, dark day. But then there’s the awesome second check.  Sure, you have to pay car notes and utilities but you also get to upgrade for a couple weeks on fun stuff. No more shitty PBR, my friend! You may even be able to be like all those rich kids who get to take a taxi instead of struggling on public transit after a night out. Luxury!

You Agree to Go to After Work Meetings for the Food

I am very guilty of this one. I admit, you can schedule a meeting until 8PM if you feed me enough. I especially love when you know in advance. At least once a month I have a week where I only have to pay for enough food for two dinners. That extra money can go towards dresses and booze necessities or your savings. Plus, all that networking and actual working you do can help you move towards not being so broke in the future.

When did realize that #thestruggleisreal?

XOXO Lady Justice 

You Are Not That Busy: Hard Truths for a Cold World

Anybody who has tried to set up a time to hang out with a group of friends larger than 3 can attest that it seems like people are pretty busy now a days. It becomes this constant back and forth about overanalyzing times to meet up in between their high priority yoga sessions and witty tweeting. This social phenomenon has inspired a down pour of opinion pieces either talking about how it’s rude or people are missing out on life getting caught chasing perfection. And sadly, it seems that my twentysomethings are the biggest culprits. Yawn!

The problem is that we are not calling out the elephant in the room that we all know is there. The truth is, none of us are that busy and people who claim it the most generally don’t have much going on. Yeah, I said it! If you are in your twenties and are not taking care of kids or the primary bread winner in a house full of dependents, you ain’t  got shit to do so important that better time management could not fix. Yoga classes and other things of that nature are just not responsibilities. You know it, I know it so why are we playing this game?

The answer to that it’s not that we all want to feel busy; it’s that we all want to feel important and like we are not missing out. In my opinion, it seems like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect. You have to have the right apartment, the right job and the right partner. What makes it even more high pressure is that those around have to think so, too. Even if you are pretty satisfied with your life, it seems like you have to have validation through friends or social media for it to count. So, people flood you feed with photographic evidence of their worth and place in the world for you to legitimate. Of course, someone with some many people who love them and who makes so much impact would be busy, right? Not when you spend more time documenting your life than living.

Sadly, happiness and self-worth can never be something determined by how busy and unavailable you make yourself.  I much rather make time to watch stupid things on the internet, staying connected to my friends and going out than always putting up the excuse that I am busy. Ironically, I have noticed that the more satisfied with my life that I am and the less time I legitimately have, the less I am on social media and less attention I get from it. So, even though no one’s knows it, I say my life is fuller now than ever before because I want it to be and acknowledge the beauty that is there. So my advice is to stop making the excuse that you are busy, because you are not. Buy a day planner and move on.

So, have you all notice this? How do you manage your schedule?

XOXO Lady Justice 

5 Ways to Feel like It’s Spring Even Though It snowed This Week in Chicago

Spring?

Spring is finally upon us, even though it does not feel like it. Like that uncle who refuses to shave his 70’s style pork chop sideburns, Mother Nature is hanging on to the past for dear life. Despite having a warm Saturday this past weekend, it still managed to snow Monday night FOR NO DAMN REASON. I was so excited about not wearing pants, but alas, I will have to put my milkshakes away for now. But I refuse get back into a city wide funk! So as a public service, I am sharing my list of things I do when I want to put myself in weather related denial. Hopefully this will help some other folks who made poor decisions in choosing a place to live.

Up Your Skin Game

      Let’s be real, no matter how flawless you are, skin care can be a challenge in the winter. With the cold weather, dry air and harsh fabrics, your skin is taking a constant beating. And don’t even ask me to shave! Please, I need all the layers I can get and that hair is protecting me from death.  Take some time to baby your skin! My go to technique for soft skin is exfoliating. I suggest exfoliating after soaking in tub so that your skin is little soft, but be gentle! Preserve your baby soft skin by sealing in the moisture with lotion or body butter. Need a DIY scrub recipe? Try this one from Now Is Magic or this one from XO Vain .

     Add Some Color

      Though black and grey can be super chic, it can get really old to be surrounded by it day in and day out.  Bring some life back in your wardrobe with some color. Whether you go all out or stick to some simple pops here and there, there is something about color that really brightens your day.  If you want to ease you way into it, I like to start off with a bright lipstick and slowly experiment from there.

          Eat Fresh Foods

Unless you live in a food desert, there is zero excuse to not to be eating fresh fruits and veggies once mid-April rolls around. Plus there is nothing more refreshing than a crisp salad or bowl of berries after a winter of rich food. Find out when your local farmers markets start opening and plan you week menus around what’s local and in season. Want a bit of culinary adventure? Sign up for a local CSA! You will get a variety of fresh fruits and veggies on a regular basis based on what the farmers are harvesting while supporting an awesome cause.

     Go For a Walk

      Cold weather is an awesome excuse to stay inside and watch Netflix. But now that you don’t have to wear five layers to go to bathroom, venture outside for things besides getting take-out and wine. Getting fresh air can be huge mood booster and great way to get to know your neighborhood. Also, people are much friendlier when they are not being pelted with snow, so take the opportunity to talk to people and make eye contact occasionally.

         Do Something New

      Now that you babied your skin, explored the great outdoors, bought a bright dress and discovered how to use beets, maybe it’s time try something new. Once spring rolls around, it feels like everyone is ready to break out and be a part of the world. If you want to meet new people or learn a new skill, this is the time! Sports leagues are great place to start and are great whether you do it solo or with a friend. If you are not ready to socialize, try a new bar or brunch spot with folks you already know. Also, things like redecorating your place or playing with your style can be great way to welcome spring and start off on a good foot.

I hope these tips help you usher in spring regardless of what it looks like outside. What do you do to welcome spring?

XOXO Lady Justice 

How to Control Your Righteous, Liberal Rage in Any Situation

I think we can all agree that shit happens. It’s an inevitable part of life that things are most often out of our control. Some of these things are good but others are not so pleasant. Somebody is going to piss you off but what separates the women from the children is not the anger itself but how you deal with it. Gone are the days when hissy fits were considered kinda cute. Now when someone rejects your policy proposal, it’s considered bad form to call someone a meany and knock over your sippy cup full of latte. Sad, I know. But fear not, due to my history of having infuriating jobs at the The Union and as an advocate, I have been in enough blood boiling situations to have plenty of experience navigating my emotions somewhat healthily. Here is a guide on how to not get arrested for smacking someone in a variety of situations based my experience doing all the bad ideas mentioned:

In the office

This is where shit is going to get real 80% of the time. You are with your coworkers for most of your day and besides working in the same place, you all are not soul mates. Someone is inevitably (you included) going to say something ignorant about someone’s experience and this is one of the few arenas of your life where you can’t just go off.

Bad Idea: Laugh in your coworker’s face as they try to explain to you that living in rural America would be hard because you would have to use your private plane (that everyone has) to fly to the nearest doctor.

Good Idea: Try to meet them where they are at. Though it is tempting to be dismissive when someone is trying to reason with you that 12 Years a Slave was so sad because the director chose to show only the really sad parts of slavery and not the fun, everyday life, sometimes you gotta see where they are coming from. Most people live sheltered lives and even if they do social justice work are rarely confronted by their privilege in any real way. Movies that point out things like inequality are traumatizing. Though it’s no excuse, remember that you have to see this chick every day and try to be respectful yet firm. Try drawing parallels between the experiences of other peoples so that they can see the pattern, allow them to digest but then go back to business. There is no need to make them feel right but it’s also not your job to educate them.

At the bar

Well this one is of course not a shocker. Booze + people can either equal awesome harmony or sad times. It’s the disclaimer at the bottom of your 21^st birthday cake. The problem is that these situations are so unpredictable and always involve a huge amount of misinterpretation. You can’t even begin to avoid it if someone keeps mistaking your commentary on True Blood as comments about their mother.

Bad Idea: Screaming what you think is an eloquent rebuttal but comes out as “OMG dude, why are you being so frowny face at me?”

Good Idea:  If you are too drunk to carry on a conversation with any dignity, slowly extract yourself from the situation. They are also likely drunk and will lose interest. Bar fights are for cowboys, not nonprofit employees. The most physical you have gotten this week is that power yoga class that you just bought a Groupon for.

  

Trapped in Conversation with someone who “Heard on WBEZ/NPR This Morning…”

Generally speaking, there are at least three of these people at each social function. They are usually ok as a whole person but as soon as the booze starts flowing all they want to talk about is the surface level knowledge of politics and social issues. Suddenly they are quoting contradicting statistics and fondly remembering their time in France (three months with a bunch of other American blowhards). These wannabe intellectuals will pontificate at you until you submit to their superior intellect or die of misery.

Bad Idea: Attempting to shove the bottle of small batch bourbon up their ass that has started the mess in the first place.

Good Idea: Though violence is tempting in this situation, it’s best to politely engage in the conversation for a socially acceptable amount of time then run as fast as you can. Simply nod at the right time, repeat their statements back to them as a question and then say “well, let’s agree to disagree”. There is no way to reason in this situation and this will only lead to wasted bottle of bourbon and jail time for you.

So, that’s what I got for you folks for now. What are some things that make you angry and how do you deal?

XOXO Lady Justice 

What They Don't Tell You When You Go "Natural"

About two years ago, I decided to go natural. For those not in the know (people who live under a rock at this point) “going natural” usually refers to someone wearing their hair in its naturally curly and/or kinky state without chemicals changing the texture.  Mind you this was after the first wave of people did their post-Good Hair haircuts, so instead of floundering around I had the internet to help me. My initial Google searches immediately flooded me with blog after blog of advice. I was immediately obsessed and envious of all the luscious fros across my computer screen. I would just imagine walking around with a fabulous Angela Davis afro and eagerly anticipated the day I would become a part of that world.

Within a few months of chopping off all my relaxed hair, I had come to two conclusions. One, some of these people spend WAAAAAAY to much time and money on their hair. If you find yourself spending hours babying your hair, you need to get your life. Two, that apparently (according to some blogs, but not all) making the decision to let go of the creamy crack was going to be a journey faced with hardship and discrimination. I was going to struggle with my new texture, lose the favor of men because of my unconventional looks and be deemed unprofessional. I, of course, ate up every horror story and diligently mentally prepared myself for the societal rejection. I felt my social justice background had properly prepared me for this very moment and I was ready to fight with everything I had. But something odd happened the first day I wore my hair out after months of transitioning. Besides my thick, kinky hair being easier to deal with than I was expecting,the world did not converge to attack me and I was a little disappointed. From my experience, in a world dominated by White people mind you, I must say that reception of my hair has been positive, in fact maybe a little overwhelmingly so. This brings me to the one thing that the internet natural hair community did not give me a heads up for, exotification.

I will admit that there is the odd, conservative White dude who may make a comment about my hair but for the most part, I feel like my hair has become a beacon.  I work at a predominantly White nonprofit and I have not heard any comments about my hair being unprofessional but they will talk about it all day. Any change in my hair, down to changing the side of me part, will cause office uproar for at least an hour. And don’t get me started on when I got box braids. It was brutal. It is for that reason I only wear my hair in updos at work. The most embarrassing hair related work moment was sitting down with someone who told my hair was “sensual and wild” before going on about policy changes. Sadly, as one of the younger people in my field, somehow becoming "sexier" overnight was definitely not a value add. In terms of men, I can say that I have not seen any difference in how many Black men I attract (perhaps I can try to get a study done out of Northwestern to really nail this down) but I can say that it makes all the little White and Asian hipster boys hearts go pitter patter. It gets old when every time you are chatted up at the bar the conversation immediately goes to your hair and how fun/strong/sexy/bohemian/socially conscious it makes me look. Please remove your dick from my hair, it was fine without it. And I have always been a lady killer so, no change on that front either.

I know it sound ridiculous and whinny to complain about something like this, but I feel like being sexualized and exotified can be just as damning as the opposite reaction. Historically, Black women have been excluded from Western ideals of 'beauty" and for some this new trend is a welcomed change. Sadly, I think this a more nuanced problem of women of color being seen as objects instead of people, a sum total of features that make us “different” instead of being individuals. Just because you are stroking my hair while giving me what you think is a compliment does not mean you are not petting me like a sheep. I am beautiful in spite of societal validation or visibility. At the end of the day, I am not my hair and I hope that everybody else is not, too. So, am I the only? Have you been made uncomfortable by “positive” attention?

XOXO Lady Justice 

Chilled

I think it is safe to say that the Northeast has received a substantial dose of winter weather this year – snow, sleet, slush, subzero temperatures.  Business and schools closed.  Neighbors unabashedly stripped vulnerable supermarket shelves in anticipation for the worst.  Gas prices went up.  General moods went down.  Icy roads.  Potholes.  Road salt shortages.  Lost electricity.  Lost heat.  Lost hope. 

I turn off the radio and television when unfavorable weather is forecasted.  I do not respond well to the stress of frantic traffic reports and lethargic play-by-plays by exhausted news anchors: “Well, Jim, it looks like it is, in fact, snowing.  Yes, same as thirty minutes ago.  Yup, still snowing.  Hold on a moment, I think it’s…yes, still snowing.”  I prefer to ride the wave in real time.  See what all this talk is about from my own perspective. 

I went to work on the worst days - and stayed the whole day.  I kept business as usual.  I saw no need to succumb to the media hype.  A bit of patience and calm was enough to get me through it.

    

Wintery conditions consistently trigger a blooming collage of memories from my time in St. Petersburg, Russia.  Once dormant episodes gradually resurface in crystal-clear focus.  You know, there is a rhythm, a kind of understood ritual, to getting through the winter there.  And it is this consistency and predictability that eases what could be an otherwise harsh physical experience.

Dressing appropriately is essential – any loving babushka will tell you that: Boots on, scarf on, coat on, hat on, gloves on.  No chance for the tricky cold to burrow toward your flesh that way.  For my own personal morning commute, once bundled, I would fling my heavy bag over my shoulder and embark upon the common-man’s journey - two flights of stairs down to the front door of the apartment, half-mile walk to the train station, two-minute run down the escalator, 3-5 minute wait for the train, body slam into a jam-packed train car, short ride to the next station, sprint to the nearest escalator, second wait, second – more confident – body slam into a train car, second longer ride, power walk to the enormous crowd pooled at the foot of the escalators, crowd surf to the front of the sea of people, five- minute ride to the top of the stairs, short jog out the front door of the station and a mile and a half march to school.  Rinse.  Repeat.

I find it difficult to make excuses in the winter after having this experience.  Anyone can get through it with the right attitude.  Respecting this season for what it is - a period of hibernation - helps greatly.  With so few natural distractions drawing away our attention and physical icy barriers rendering us virtually immobile, we are forced to sit and reflect.  We are forced to spend time with our families, friends and loved ones.  We are forced to inhabit the home spaces we have created.  We cannot run.  We have to face ourselves and our choices.  Of course, escape is not impossible.  You are just at the mercy of the elements if you choose to try. 

   

Meditating on ourselves and our personal lives is no easy task.  The incredible, palpable level of anxiety reached by those around me served as perfect evidence of this this year.  Luckily, a few sunny days have started to cure the wide-spread epidemic of winter paranoia.  But please, if the weather turns again before spring, try to respond to the last gasps of winter with the cool, measured confidence they deserve.  Perhaps the season will treat you better as a result.

Dr. Sparkle