"He's Just My Frozen Pizza"

There's a saying that sex is like pizza: "When it's good, it's really good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good."  I have a feeling that is stated by guys more than girls, but I always thought the quote was funny.  After all, pizza can come in all kinds of forms with different toppings.  You can have your choice of Chicago deep dish or New York style.  Vegans can enjoy tomato pies and carnivores can cover their pizza with any kind of meat you can think of.  Guys also come in various forms. Unfortunately, you can't choose the traits of a guy as easily as you can choose toppings on a pizza. But you can compare some of them with pizza.  At least that's what I'm going to do.

Frozen Pizza 

The best thing about this pizza is convenience.  Once you get it from the grocery store, it just hangs out in your freezer.  You don't have to worry about leaving your house or even putting on pants to see a delivery guy.  It's fairly reliable; it's nothing special or spectacular but it can (usually) get the job done and fulfill your pizza  craving for the time being.  I repeat, nothing special, so don't overdo it, otherwise you're just going to get annoyed.

The Pizza You Always Wanted to Try...But It Disappointed 

I always wanted to try macaroni and cheese pizza.  I love macaroni and cheese.  I love pizza. Obviously the two together would be heaven in your mouth, right?  Yeah no.  At least for me, no.

Imagine you have always wanted to try a kind of pizza and you waited soooo long to finally get a slice, or even a pie for that matter.  You open the box and there it is staring at you, just as longingly as you're looking at it.  It's just as beautiful as you imagined, maybe even better.  Your hand slowly moves towards that slice, and you gently pick it up and place it delicately in your mouth (or quickly, up to you, but it could be hot.)  You take the first bite, and let your taste buds take it all in...and it's gross.  This is so gross that you're not only repulsed by this pizza, but all pizza.  You don't want to be around pizza at all.  You can't even look at a slice of a simple slice of cheese.  You wonder if this is normal and if you're ever going to recover.  After all, what kind of weirdo does not like pizza?  But it's ok, you'll get over it.

The Pizza You Only Ate Because Someone Offered 

I'm not one to sprinkle peppers on to my pizza.  I feel like the peppers offset the taste of the cheese and as a fan of cheese, I don't appreciate that.  However once I tried a slice with peppers and you know what?  It wasn't so bad.  I even tried it a few more times but then I got bored.  

The pizza you only tried because someone offered you a slice.  You weren't really into it but it didn't look bad and you didn't want to say no, so you went for it.  They offered another slice and you took it, and it grew on you.  It's not your ideal pizza but what draws you to it is the fact that it's unexpectedly different.  But after a while, it's not the same anymore.  Something changed, maybe it was the sauce, the amount of cheese in the stuffed crust part or maybe it stayed in the oven for a minute longer than it used to and that must have changed everything.  You want to try giving it another chance but no dice.  Whatever it is, it's a little disappointing but you just skim over the menu again to find something else that's appetizing.

The Pizza That Makes You Feel Gross But That You Keep Going Back For 

I love artichoke pizza.  But for me it's so rich that I kind of feel sick afterwards.  But I still love it. 

Think of eating a super greasy slice of pizza.  It's so greasy that the oil is sliding down your forearm and collecting at your elbow.  The sight is unsightly but the taste is so good.  You take in the moment and chow down on that slice and grab a handful of napkins while you're at it.  However when you're done the satisfaction only lasts so long before you feel gross and bloated.  But maybe it was just that one time, it's not like you'll feel like that again after eating such an amazing pizza.  Wrong.  You feel a little regretful each time but that doesn't stop you from going back from more.  Maybe there was heroin in that pizza.


Like I said earlier, both pizzas and guys come in different shapes and sizes. It's usually fun and interesting to try a new type of pizza and see where that first bite takes you.  Sometimes you might fall in love after a few bites or you might want to puke.  Most of the time, it's not spectacular, it's just a decent pizza you'll keep eating until you want to try something new.  And I think that is important to remember any time there's a guy that annoys you, frustrates you or even breaks your heart.  It's ok if a pizza (like macaroni and cheese) didn't work out for you, just keep eating more pizzas and enjoy yourself.  And eventually you'll find one you're happy with.  You can turn to that pizza when you have a bad day or to celebrate when something awesome happens.  It will be reliable but more delicious than a frozen pizza.  You can keep turning to it without worrying about getting sick.  You won't get bored or annoyed by any changes.  It won't ruin your appreciation or love for pizzas.  It will be your ideal pizza, so don't stop eating. 

Timmi Swift